I was born Cathy Rae Clark in Los Angeles at the Queen of the Angeles Hospital. Thus explains the halo over my head. I am the youngest of four children a true baby boomer being born in a 1946. Yes, I am 62.
I grew up 11 miles directly east of Los Angeles in Rosemead, California. Our lot was large 50 X 300, our house was two stories, white with green shutters. Those were happy days. Under the direction of my father we had many kinds of fruit trees that will not grow here, a large vegetable garden and berries, laying hens, rabbits, pigeons and a fish pond. My father, raised on a farm in Tooele, Utah, wanted to be a farmer, but as the history is told he hopped a freight train, went to California and landed a job at BF Goodrich where he harvested tires for 42 years. To nail his future in California he married my mother who was born in Oklahoma in a log cabin. They were married over 60 years until his death at 93.
My mother loved flowers. I remember standing outside next to her, coming only to her waist when she said, "I think delphiniums are my favorite flower, God did not make enough blue flowers". Our Heavenly Father loves us a whole bunch to have given us such a variety of color to feast our eyes. We have all shades of green, brown and blue. When they say all colors of the rainbow? Well, look around at what he did. Then he took his brush and flicked patches of bright color everywhere. Well, most everywhere. Oh, and he loved texture. He used texture in the bark and grass and dirt and rocks. He loved texture and color. But he did not overdo anything. He was a true artist. He did a perfect job. He did a perfect job on us also, but He gave us
choices. Plants thrive under the environmental guidelines for them. If they step far outside that, they die. Us people, often make the wrong choice and step outside the guidelines. Sometimes, way to often, people make the wrong choices. Heavenly Father gave us environmental circumstances also, and if we want to thrive we should follow them. But unlike the dead plants he keeps giving us more and more chances to get it right. Isn't that amazing.
I grew up among adults, as my closes sibling to my age was 6 years older than me, a brother, and to him I was a spoiled brat and always in the way.
In the large avocado tree, I had a special place where I could go climb, which was my thinking place, my dreaming place. The canopy was about 20 feet across and if no one was looking, because it wasn't allowed, I could climb upon the neighbors garage roof from the tree. I cried the day my dad cut down that tree. It was my special, special tree. But it did not bear fruit so dad cut it down and planted an avocado tree that would bear fruit. I remember one Christmas peeking into my parents closet and found an art easel. I thought surly it was for me because I loved to draw. My brother got the easel. It made me very sad.
Everywhere I have lived I have planted flowers. I have had a nice yard and it has never mattered to me whether or not I was renting or owning the land. I love flowers and growing things. I love to create things. I have been bless by our Heavenly Father with gifts in the arts. Don't ask me about math. I am so grateful for my blessings because I can use them to help others. I can share them.
You may have seen me working on River Heights City property where their garden had given away to weeds. Well, one fall I raked down that hillside and sowed wildflower seeds that I had gathered. I took a close look the next spring and the seeds were sprouting in the June grass. I spent 40 hours, that spring pulling all of the June grass from the hillside and oh, it looked nice, but the water didn't get turned on and all the seedlings died. I think River Heights have other plans for that hillside because they don't want me there any longer.
I have raised 5 children, 3 boys and 2 girls. I have 10 grandchildren. I have a Model T replica that I restored that will pull a small flatbed trailer. The kids can pile on there and be towed around. This little car was offered in a drawing when Albertson's first opened in Logan. Merle and Lynn Olsen won that drawing. So this was a car Merlyn Olsen played in as a child.
Out of necessity I have learned to do many things. I make a lot of my own repairs on my home. This has taught me to be patient and work slower. Slower is good because I am clumsey. I love whimsey, fairy tales and the magic children brings to our lives. I think I am still a child in many ways. In my yard I have a fairy cave with a fresh water spring. The spring flows into a mini river which goes through a grand canyon across the grass, passes by "frog holler" the wildflower compound and on to the pine trees where it floods into a lake. I have a hut, sandbox, trampoline and a large swing set which I have blended into the landscape. I had a panoramic view of the mountains and my yard was private until my neighbors built a second story on their house with a very high pitched roof. Everyone in this area thought that two story homes were not allowed here. I guess that covenant was not filed properly. So they were able to build that. It has to do with what is legal and what is right. So now I live next to a monster house. It feels like it is in my back yard because it towers above the other homes.
I was awarded a plaque from River Heights which acknowledges me as 2005's Outstanding Citizen of our Community. Before that year was up a neighbor had his attorney write the city a letter stopping the work I received an award for. That didn't seem fair. I received the "Spirit of Caring Award" when I volunteered at Logan Regional Hospital. I love music. I love to sing. I love to paint, write and make something out of nothing. I love to swing and climb trees. I have stood in the mist of Iguazu Falls in South America, watch the sun rise on the Atlantic Ocean and set on the Pacific. But all of this pales in the smiles of children.
In my early 40's I had a "Major Mental Motherboard Meltdown". My mind, as I knew it was gone. The space occupied by a functional, logical, creative brain was replaced with----- I guess it wasn't
replaced, the MMMM just left a big hole where a brain once lived. ... I lost the ability to do most everything that made up me. I could no longer function. All creativity, organizational skills. Everything was gone. I was suicidal for almost 3 years. Every minute of each day for those years I was so depressed that I wanted in the worst way to die. I was in the darkest hole. It was so dark you could not see your hand before your eyes. Like in a deep cave when the guide tells you he is going to turn off the lights and when he does it is so black you cannot see your hand which is in front of your nose... but the light does not come back on in that cave. Everyone else has found their way out but you are left alone in this black place. Each time you move you do not know if you are going to go down a inch or fall to the center of the earth. You become so exhausted trying that all hope leaves you. I was a mess. I don't think I was very likable durning that time. I slowed way down. Everything was in slow motion. I talked slower, I wrote slower and moved slower. I gained 60 pounds. That would slow anyone down.
With medication and therapy I slowly got better. I remember the first time I had lift in my step. I had to learn many life skills again. I could not multitask. I now can cook a egg and toast at the same time. That is multi-tasking. I can boil a large pot of water dry over and over again because I forget I put the kettle on. I did not know what to do with my time. I did not remember what I had done with my time before. I forgot I had a hat collection. More than 100 hats. I forgot that I had a powder music box collection. It was like coming out of a coma. Everything was discovery. My sofa was old. I had forgot how many years ago I had bought it ... I just saw it one day and the sofa was worn out. Well, it had been 10 years..... I made a lot of changes in my lifestyle. I think. I don't know. I don't remember what I was doing before. But I do know I lived with a lot of criticism and felt useless and could not do anything right and felt blamed for everything that went wrong. Finally I accepted that in some peoples eyes I will always be wrong and be blamed, even if I am out of the country at the time. Something I did or did not do caused the problem, therefore I was to blame. So I raise my hand and accept that job. Yep, I am to blame. It is my fault. This way I can go on with my life instead of trying to show that I am not at fault.
I did not go to college. I do not have a view of the Temple.
I have five children and only 2 graduated from college and only one went on a mission. I am divorced. I have a new imac computer. I love animals, climbing trees, the color of my hair. I don't like my skin any longer. It does not fit like it should. I have a good relationship with all of my children and grandchildren. Unless they are just not being honest with me. Then I don't... I think I do. I love people but they scare me. I would like to be a hermit but I know that is not healthy. So, if I appear a little distant and out of touch? I most likely am. Did I say I love animals.
I have a cemetery plot in the Providence City Cemetery so that is where I will be when I my story has a end. For now? If you have a question, ask. I will answer most anything if I remember the answer.
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